All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
