There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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