I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
