Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
