nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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