On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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