i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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