Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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