take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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