I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
