No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
