Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
