i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
