yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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