Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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