when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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