I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
