We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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