She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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