Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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