That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Holy sore nipples Batman
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
