I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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