You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
