I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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