mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
