Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
