Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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