This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
