Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
