I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
