I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
