if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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