Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
