I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
