It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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