this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
