I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
