You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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