16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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