True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
