I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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