On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
