oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
