i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
