So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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