plz talk dirty to me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
