so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
