You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
