he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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