Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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