maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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