Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
