How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
